I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
