you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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