Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
