I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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