he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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