oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
