the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
