I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
