i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
