Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
