i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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