Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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