UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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