When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
