The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
