to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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