your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
