I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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