is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
