Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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