What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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