first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
