My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can text with my tongue
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
