All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
