for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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