Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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