how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
