Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
