I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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