Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
