She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
