why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
someone owes me an orgasm
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You ruined the universe
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
