I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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