I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
