Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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