You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
