I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So many bounce houses so little time
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
