so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
