this beer tastes like vomit already
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
