escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
