If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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