now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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