My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
