just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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