like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
