Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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