Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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