apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
