I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
