She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
