i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
