one word: firstdatebathroomanal
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
