Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
