Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
