then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize