Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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