we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
