As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
