dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
